Shady Traded for Muscle Hamster + Pick

The Sophisticated Owls acted swiftly in the wake of Doug “The Muscle Hamster” Martin’s season-threatening injury, trading Martin and his 2014 1st round pick for LeSean “Shady” McCoy from Suckmy Weinermans. The Weinermans also give up their 2014 14th round pick.

McCoy is currently fourth overall among running backs.

This is first trade of the season for the Owls. It was the fourth trade for the Weinermans, and they now have three first round picks in 2014. And Doug Martin as their keeper.

Congratulations Winerman!

Justin has won the Lottery with the winning number 97 and Suckmy Winermans will have the number one overall pick in the 2013 Bad News Barristers Draft. Congratulations! With the lowest odds of winning (just 3%), Justin has pulled off the unthinkable. Although it must suck to be Greg right now, this is truly what the Lottery is all about.

The second pick will be decided at the close of the Dow today, so check the Journal’s homepage at about about 1:30 pacific to see who will pick second! Good luck to everyone left!

Although it’s unlikely, if one of Winerman’s numbers comes again (97 – 99), the winning number will simply be the second- and third-to-last digits of the DJIA (i.e., the two digits on either side of the decimal), and so on as necessary.

The third pick will be decided tomorrow. After that, picks four through 12 will be determined by reverse order of last year’s standings in accordance with League rules.

Lottery Today!

The 2013 Bad News Barristers Lottery is today!

Although it won’t be official until the print edition of the Wall Street Journal hits newsstands tomorrow morning, check the Journal’s homepage after the market closes this afternoon to find out which lucky owner will have the number one of all pick in this season’s draft!

Remember, it’s the last two digits of the Dow Jones, so if–hypothetically–the Lottery had been on Friday, the winning number would have been 83 and Weiss would have the first pick. So close, Dave!

The number two pick will be decided by the Dow’s closing number tomorrow.

Here are your number assignments:

Greg 00 – 24
Emilio 25 – 44
Brandon 45 – 59
Ben 60 – 72
Dave 73 – 84
Lane 85 – 92
Erik 93 – 96
Justin 97 – 99