Congratulations Osman!

Osman won the third overall pick in the 2014 Draft. Because the Dow closed on Wednesday at 16443.34, there was no winner because both 34 (last two digits) and 33 (second and third to last digits) were both in Tom’s range. So we moved on to Thursday. And today, the Dow closed at 16368.27. The last two digits were also in Tom’s range, but the second and third to last digits – 82 – fell in Osman’s range (73 – 84).

The 2014 Lottery is now complete and the final draft order is:

  1. Kennedy
  2. Dimond
  3. Abbasi
  4. Winerman
  5. Nussbaum
  6. Dunfee
  7. Weiss
  8. Paulson
  9. Saiz
  10. Cutchshaw
  11. Sampson
  12. Baxter

A full draft order, including traded picks, will be posted soon after the keeper deadline passes, which is Friday, August 15th.

Congratulations Commish!

With a 20% chance of winning, the Commissioner took second place in the 2014 BNB Lottery and will pick second in this year’s draft. The Dow closed at 16429.47, which fell in the Commissioner’s assigned ranged (45 – 59).

The third pick will be decided Wednesday, so stay tuned! See below (or here) for the lottery odds and number distribution for the remaining owners. If the last two digits of Wednesday’s number is between 25 and 59, then we will use the second- and third-to-last numbers of the Dow, and if that doesn’t work, the third pick will be decided Thursday.

Email me with any questions. Good luck!

Congratulations Tom!

With a 20% chance of winning, Tom has won the 2014 BNB Lottery and will pick first in this year’s draft. Congratulations! The Dow closed at 16569.28, which fell in Tom’s assigned ranged (25 – 44).

The second pick will be decided today, so stay tuned! See below (or here) for the lottery odds and number distribution for the remaining owners. If the last two digits of today’s number is between 25 and 44, then we will use the second- and third-to-last numbers of the Dow, and if that doesn’t work, the second pick will be decided Wednesday.

Email me with any questions. Good luck!

Red Rocket Worth Second Round Pick?

Who wants Jennings or Harvin? traded their 2014 second round pick to Not Relevant! for the Red Rocket and the Not’s 2014 fifteen round pick.

Of course, this was after the Rocket’s five touchdown, 408 point performance against the Jets and right before his zero touchdowns, three picks and a fumble, 123 point turd against the Dolphins on Thursday Night Football. To be fair to the ownership of the Jennis, Dalton have averaged 373 points over three weeks, but to be fair the Commish, the League office informed the Jennis on Wednesday that Dalton was a high risk move. But the Vick injury, followed by the Bradford injury, followed by the Vick injury, really forced the Jenni’s hand.

This was the eight trade of the season and the third between these two teams. The Jenni’s have sent their second, third, fourth, and sixth round picks to the Nots. They’ve all been fair deals, but one could make the argument that there’s collusion going on here. Whatever you call it, these teams will only have each other to thank, or themselves to blame, for their success or failure over the next two seasons.

Shady Traded for Muscle Hamster + Pick

The Sophisticated Owls acted swiftly in the wake of Doug “The Muscle Hamster” Martin’s season-threatening injury, trading Martin and his 2014 1st round pick for LeSean “Shady” McCoy from Suckmy Weinermans. The Weinermans also give up their 2014 14th round pick.

McCoy is currently fourth overall among running backs.

This is first trade of the season for the Owls. It was the fourth trade for the Weinermans, and they now have three first round picks in 2014. And Doug Martin as their keeper.

Welker Traded for 2nd Round Picks

Not Relevant! has traded Wes Welker and their 2014 7th round pick to Who wants Jenni ngs or Harvin? for Julio Jones and their 2014 3rd round pick.

This was a quick move by the Jennis after it was announced today that Julio Jones would miss the rest of the season. The Jennis had previously sent their 6th and 8th round picks to the Nots for Eddie Lacy and Antonio Gates.

Worth noting, these are also the last two League Champions. So maybe they’re mad with power, but hear me out on this… What if Greg wins this year and Hank wins next year? Could we be in a Sampson-Dunfee infini-loop of success!?! I don’t know what kind of apocalypse that would portend, but it will truly be the end of days.

That said, this was a lateral move for the Jennis, because they replaced the #2 wide out in the League with the #3. But it was a huge get for the Nots because they can keep Jones and still trade Dez and/or AJ.

This proves that deals are out there. Now go make them happen.

Lacy & Gates Acquired for Picks

Not Relevant! traded Packers’ running back Eddie Lacy and Chargers’ tight end Antonio Gates to Who wants Jenni ngs or Harvin? for Colts’ Tight End Charles Clay plus the Jennis’ 2014 4th and 6th round picks.

The Jennis also get the Nots’ 2014 16th and 17th round picks.

This is the first trade of the season for either team involving future picks.

Arian Foster Traded for Picks

The Overachievers signaled that they were giving up on the 2013 season today, sending Arian Foster to the Albino Polar Bears in exchange for the White Bears’ 2014 1st and 5th round picks.

The Overachievers also trade their 2014 16th and 17th round picks. The Overachievers had previously sent their 11th round pick to the Weinermans for Eddie Royal and his 2014 16th round pick.

And the 3rd Pick Goes to…

Paulson and the 1-Legged Deer! Congratulations, Erik–you had just a 4% chance of winning overall, yet you nabbed the third pick with the winning number of 95 (we had to utilize the ‘move one digit to the left’ tie-breaker).

Well done. You join myself and Winerman as your 2013 Lottery Winners.

That concludes the 2012 Bad News Barristers Lottery. The 2013 Official Draft Order is… Winerman (1), Dimond (2), Paulson (3), Sampson (4), Saiz (5), Cutchshaw (6), Weiss (7), Nussbaum (8), Baxter (9), Abassi (10), Kennedy (11), and Dunfee (12).

The first two rounds will be in this order, and then the draft will serpentine after that. Please refer to the Trade Picks page for more information on what picks were traded last season. After the keeper deadline passes, I will post the full draft order, pick-by-pick.

Congratulations… Me!

I won the second installment of the 2013 Lottery with the winning number of 59 and Don’t Shit the Money Bed! will pick second in this season’s draft. I had the third highest chance of winning (15%), so sorry to Greg and Emilio. And congratulations to me.

The third pick will be decided at the close of the Dow today, so check the Journal’s homepage at about about 1:30 pacific to see who will pick third! Good luck to everyone left!

And, if one of Winerman’s, or my, numbers comes again (97–99, 45–59), the winning number will simply be the second- and third-to-last digits of the DJIA (i.e., the two digits on either side of the decimal), and so on as necessary.

Picks 4 – 12 will be determined by reverse order of last year’s standings in accordance with League rules.

Congratulations Winerman!

Justin has won the Lottery with the winning number 97 and Suckmy Winermans will have the number one overall pick in the 2013 Bad News Barristers Draft. Congratulations! With the lowest odds of winning (just 3%), Justin has pulled off the unthinkable. Although it must suck to be Greg right now, this is truly what the Lottery is all about.

The second pick will be decided at the close of the Dow today, so check the Journal’s homepage at about about 1:30 pacific to see who will pick second! Good luck to everyone left!

Although it’s unlikely, if one of Winerman’s numbers comes again (97 – 99), the winning number will simply be the second- and third-to-last digits of the DJIA (i.e., the two digits on either side of the decimal), and so on as necessary.

The third pick will be decided tomorrow. After that, picks four through 12 will be determined by reverse order of last year’s standings in accordance with League rules.

Lottery Today!

The 2013 Bad News Barristers Lottery is today!

Although it won’t be official until the print edition of the Wall Street Journal hits newsstands tomorrow morning, check the Journal’s homepage after the market closes this afternoon to find out which lucky owner will have the number one of all pick in this season’s draft!

Remember, it’s the last two digits of the Dow Jones, so if–hypothetically–the Lottery had been on Friday, the winning number would have been 83 and Weiss would have the first pick. So close, Dave!

The number two pick will be decided by the Dow’s closing number tomorrow.

Here are your number assignments:

Greg 00 – 24
Emilio 25 – 44
Brandon 45 – 59
Ben 60 – 72
Dave 73 – 84
Lane 85 – 92
Erik 93 – 96
Justin 97 – 99